Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
