i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
