i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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