We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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