I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
