You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
