I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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