I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
