Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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