Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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