He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
