she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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