Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
