So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
