you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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