yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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