What a fucking waste of an outfit
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
where are you?
Hypothermia
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
