I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
