She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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