You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the day after is always just damage control
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
