Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize