don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
