Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
