She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
