My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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