I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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