shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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