Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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