Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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