Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
