so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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