she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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