if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
