Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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