im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
