Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
