I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
