He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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