Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
