So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
