im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
where are you?
Hypothermia
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
