I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
