Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
