i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
