I didn't shave. On purpose
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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