This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
