If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
