I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can text with my tongue
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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