so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
