You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
