I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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