I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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