It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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