if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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