Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
