dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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