Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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