Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize