so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
