I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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