Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
