Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
