my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
