1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
