I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
