he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
