I just pynch a tree in the face
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
