I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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