the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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